Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.
-Edwin H Chapin
Are you enslaved and incapacitated by lingering thoughts of revulsion, touchiness, and animosity towards your boss or peers, bit by bit, literally bloating your head?
Why we all care so much about what other people think of us? Why their acuities have reflexively encompassed every facet of our being?
Just remember one thing, in corporate ecosphere, oppressive behaviour comes in all forms. Subjective vindication is much complex and pervasive sensation in otherwise cramped corporate power corridors. At some point in our career, we all have inadvertently stumbled upon such caustic power-mines. Regrettably, it materializes more frequently as we climb up the ladder.
Yet, whether we think about it consciously or not, one important question continues to stay alive beneath such experiences: How one should react to such methodically premeditated career assaults?
Back when I was taking a session on ‘Characteristic Dysfunctionalities in an Organization Design’, a participant asked if I could share my views on how to let go hostile feelings when someone consciously harms us. Of late, quite a few frazzled professionals have approached me with similar queries and worries relating to their work relationships. You certainly know about the ‘possible’ fears I’m talking about right?
Let’s me be candid here. Bad stuff commonly happens to good people in the corporate politics. Deleterious bosses do bizarre impersonations to manoeuvre people and situations to their benefits. Their unkind intentions deceits in their subtlety and the way they play with fabricated projections to harm you. They will stealthily do things to demoralize, humiliate or push you to a potentially future damaging circumstances. Unfortunately,there are far more ‘upstanding’ people who are victims than the perpetrators of such malicious corporate vendettas. The problem is, the plotters are too often in the power spots, which usually leads to a mute approval of unfairness by majority. Trust me, it has lot to do with their timidities and insecurities. More emotionally dysfunctional the person is, tauter he will be in holding the disgust against you. If they are self-assured and positive about their own potential than they will never have proclivity to run you down. Such bosses may believe they can uphold an artificial reputation by just abstaining from morally justifying their exploits. But this alone is not enough.
At times, I wonder, why corporate ecospheres have become so strangely discordant and fierce? Perhaps, it has to do a great deal with our insatiable appetite for power and position.
By and large, we find it so demanding to muster up earnest compassion for those who have wronged us. During my years as working professional, like so many others, I also encountered a devious, often peevish but disguised, conniving boss. I sincerely did tried to firmly hold the threads of ‘optimism’ during that phase, but eventually fall flat on my face… and that was not the first time. In fact, I have twice experienced such nerve-wracking tyranny in my otherwise thriving professional career. I was purposefully wronged and literally impaired by people who ruled by intimidation…and that too for their petty personal gains. Probably, that was their uglier manifestation of truncated self-esteem and self-absorbed fragile character.
Observing the long arc of my career, I’ve noticed that the best choices– the ones that make me feel proud today, are the decisions reflecting what I have chosen not to compromise on or not to harvest favours, in order to protect my high remunerating jobs. I never pleaded for my case to my bosses. Not even defended myself. Didn’t turn blue over the verdict or voiced my annoyance or anger to my other friends. I didn’t felt sad or didn’t cursed my predators. My personal or professional life didn’t shattered into myriad splintered wreckages. And, most imperative of all, didn’t badmouth the company. Nothing bad chanced upon me because I didn’t let it transpired. Certainly, when an injustice happens, we want to be vindicated. Besides, I know how hurtful it can be to live with the poison of enmity, hatred and unforgiveness.
My antagonists received my clemency when I had gotten emotional wounds. I suffered agony, and they enjoyed forgiveness for the pain they caused. It sounds so unfair!
But trust me, during that period, I amazingly gathered what a weighty ‘liabilities’ rage and hatred were until I let them pass. Let’s face it – many of us have creepy painful memories from our past that hold us back and shroud the joy of our present-day. I have thought hard about what makes few individuals to forgive and move on, and why others fail to do so. I also recognize that pardoning those who have wronged you is never that easy. Yes,It takes little time to realize that to forgive is to acknowledge your own maturity. To appreciate other’s viewpoint is what we consent ourselves to do when we let off. Forgiveness does not mean we are repudiating the anguish. It does not mean to continue to relate with someone who has hurt us. Forgiveness means letting free from the nagging feeling of antagonism, bitterness, and animosity. It is only for our wholesome emotional well-being. It is like literally putting off the entire burden of the judgement from our consciousness. Yet, when you absolve someone, it doesn’t mean that you are approving his exploit. Rather, it means that you are allowing yourself with a chance to move on with your life. Forbearance is what you do for yourself. Your past is only the footprints of the events that are no more there.
Don’t get maddened if people have lousy opinion about you. You can’t let them get in your life. Cogitating, in solitude, about cringe-inducing bursts is not going to comfort you in anyway. Equally, struggling hard to plunge or dodge your feelings won’t unshackle you, either. Nothing should be done to elude or escape from it. Nothing should be done to dissuade the mind. One has to internalize it… go through it. It is part of your personal growth. Possibly, you need to accept your feelings or rather ‘work through’ your emotions. This is the only alternative choice left to withstand a lasting mutilation to your future.
Don’t you agree it is fairly an easy trap to fall into? Why should we be so concerned about what others think of us? Why should we have fear of social judgement? People have all the liberty to judge you. Likewise, you also have choice to discount them. If they are judging you based on their selective presumptions, their opinion is fallacious. Moreover, if they do not ‘know’ you, their opinion should not matter to you. Leaving behind the past to make way for the present is one essential requirement to attain an equipoise between mind and the soul. Take backstabbing episodes as the trails of the events that are no more relevant to you. Letting go does not mean you do not care about what others think about you. Rather, it is just realizing that the only thing you truly care and have control over is ‘yourself’.
I know that when you are tried by fire, your emblematic reaction is one of retaliation. You want to speedily redeem control over your life. You label that person as inhuman forever. You radiate with toxin emotions. You want restitution for harming your pride. You feel angry and aggrieved. You want to take revenge. You also yearn to run him off. You relentlessly hunt for a favorable occasion to ventilate your inner volcano. However, hunting for revenge doesn’t scratch away the deeds that wounded you. It just disseminates and refuels the stockpile of hostile emotions. Just move on and get over it at the earliest. Don’t oblige somebody with the kick of seeing you grieve. Never! Just learn to tame your turn-ons
My humble advice to you: Leave your revenge to Karma.
That’s the splendour of awareness!
Forgiving is essential for our transcendental growth…!
“There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.”
– Josh Billings